Swazi Senses

My first week in Swaziland has been an overload of the senses, to say the least.

I absolutely adore the young women I interact with every day. They bring so much joy and light to my life, despite their hardships and challenges.

In my typical day, I hear a three-year-old constantly shouting, “Look me! Look me!” as she hops on one foot or performs a new dance move.

I hear the cries of a one-month-old boy as his 15-year-old mother runs to his side.

I smell the savory aroma of beans and rice for dinner.

I watch clapping games and impromptu jump rope competitions.

I feel the warmth of no less than six children lounging around me as I read them yet another story.

I watch as the older girls study hard for exams and playfully sass the younger girls.

I witness the hope and joy as their housemother leads her spiritual daughters in nightly worship and Bible study.

And amidst all this noise and chaos, I hear Abba whispering, “Be still, and know that I am God.” And I know he is here, and he’s working in each one of these broken, yet healing women.

And he’s working in me.

Swaziland FAQ's

If you know me personally at all or follow me on social media, you are likely aware that 1) I have a heart for missions and Africa, and 2) I am returning to Africa for one year in a few months.

With that announcement to my friends and family, several questions always arise. The purpose of this post is to address the most commonly asked questions.

Where am I going?

The city of Manzini in the country of Swaziland, located in southeastern Africa. I have been here twice before, most recently last summer for two months with 34 other college students from the United States and Canada. The average Swazi lives on less than two American dollars per day. It is the most HIV prevalent country in the world, with 26% of adults infected (as of 2012). The average life expectancy is 49 years. (Source: UNICEF) No, I will not get Ebola. No, there is no political unrest in this peaceful, yet broken country.

What will I be doing?

I will be living and working at a girls’ home run by the organization Hosea’s Heart. This home is a refuge for women rescued out of prostitution and domestic violence. I will be serving as a mentor and counselor to these women, as well as just helping out around the house. Responsibilities might include cooking, cleaning, helping with schoolwork, leading Bible studies, and leading worship.

How is this different from what I’ve done in the past?

For the past three summers, I have traveled with the organization Adventures in Missions (an organization I highly recommend to anyone interested in going on a mission trip). AIM’s primary ministry in Swaziland is centered around children, and raising a generation of Christ followers and leaders to help the nation rise from poverty and illness. While I enjoy working with children and serving that ministry, I felt God had another focus in mind for me, and I believe I have found that niche. I met Hosea’s Heart and visited the girls’ home while I was in Manzini last summer, and I fell in love with what they do. I am still very close with my friends working with AIM in Swaziland, and I’m excited to maintain and utilize those connections while working with this new ministry.

How long will I be gone?

I leave in June, and I will be gone for one year.

What will I do when I get back?

Seriously? I haven’t even left yet! However, this is still something that crosses my mind from time to time. I will likely return to Manhattan for at least a little while to reestablish myself in this community and culture. My options are open – I could find a job with a church, I could find a teaching job, or God might ask me to return to Swaziland (or another part of the world).

How am I using my degree?

This question hurts my heart more than people realize. My bachelor’s degree in music education is more than an expensive piece of paper to get me a job. Over the past four years, I have learned invaluable skills in time management and leadership. I have learned how to absorb knowledge and wisdom in so many different settings, and I’ve learned how to apply it to my life. I have learned how to have compassion for the world and people around me. I have learned how to have an open heart and mind in this diverse society. I can’t even attempt to put a price tag on the people I’ve met and the relationships I’ve built. In short, I use my degree every single day, because God has used this time in college to help shape me into the woman I have become. Even if I never teach music after I graduate in May, I do not regret spending the last four years of my life at this institution.

How is preparation going?

Fundraising is always the biggest stressor, but everything is going as smoothly as I could ask for right now. I am being even more intentional with my time with God every day, and I can feel him growing me and shaping me for this upcoming journey. It’s challenging balancing the spiritual preparation for this trip with the completion of my degree (I’m student teaching this semester, so there has been a lot on my plate every day). God is patient with me, and I’ve learned to be patient and have grace for myself. Preparation is going well.

How can I (you) help?

Prayer is always the biggest thing. Knowing I have relational support here at home is what helps me the most emotionally. Pray for the health and safety of our staff, for the preparation of our hearts for this journey, and for the girls affected by this ministry. If you're interested in receiving a monthly newsletter while I'm gone, fill out this form!

How can I (you) donate?

If you feel led to help financially, you can visit here to give via PayPal (just let me know if you donate online, so I can ensure the donation is placed in my account). I will need about $9,000 to make this trip possible, and I have currently raised around $2,500.

Am I ready?

Will I ever be ready? I am ready to totally surrender my life to God and what He has called me to do. I am ready to be broken for the sake of the Gospel. I am ready to learn what He will teach me in this next chapter of my life.

WEIGHT

Step One. Watch this five-minute video. It's worth every second.

Step Two. Bear with my musings.

I'm not going to write about eating disorders specifically, but I am going to write about the three ways this message applies to our lives.

1. The obvious - Love our bodies, because they house the Holy Spirit.

You, however, are not in the flesh but in the Spirit, if in fact the Spirit of God dwells in you. Anyone who does not have the Spirit of Christ does not belong to him. Romans 8:9

And Peter said to them, "Repent and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins, and you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit." Acts 2:38

We bear the weight of glory, and we are so heavy with it. Miss Timmer says it better in her video.

The living God makes His home in these bodies...
We have the most marvelous weight surging through our limbs. It's the weight of glory. The weight of Him.

God CHOSE to live in us. He chose to live in YOU. If you ask me, that's pretty rad. He loves you for it, and so should you.

2. Others also house this weight. So LOVE. ONE. ANOTHER.

A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. John 13:34

Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love. In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might love through him. In this love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. 1 John 4:7-10

Why waste time and energy judging others by outward appearances? Berating the shell when the pearl is inside. Miss Timmer was talking about loving your own body, but this applies to loving others' as well. The same God who lives inside you lives inside that tone deaf lady sitting next to you in church, and that green-haired cousin at reunions, and that driver of that minivan who just cut you off, and that... I could go on, but I assume you get the point.

3. What holds the weight of your obsessions?

What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ - the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. Philippians 3:8-9

It doesn't have to be physical pounds (though it certainly could be). It can be money, school, work, romantic relationships, hobbies, etc. Is all that really worthy of our primary attention and affection? Are a few pounds really worthy of our obsession? What's a dress size in light of His intentions? 

So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. 2 Corinthians 4:18

Believe it or not, all of that is temporary. God is at the center of all of it, or at least He needs to be. His presence is evident throughout ever facet of our lives. Everything should be heavy with the weight of His glory and grace.

And we are filled with that weight which, instead of making us weak and ugly, makes us strong and beautiful.

Problems and Providence

In 2012, Swaziland was reported having 210,000 people living with HIV, making it the most HIV-prevalent country in the world with 26.5% of adults infected.

As he went along, he saw a man blind from birth. His disciples asked him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?”

John 9:1-2

After befriending a beautiful 12-year-old girl suffering from HIV/AIDS, tuberculosis, and cardiomyopathy, it’s hard not to hurt. It’s hard not to get angry. Angry at parents, angry at generations of illness, angry at society, angry with God. Mostly angry with God.

How long, O Lord, must I call for help, but you do not listen? Or cry out to you, “Violence!” but you do not save? Why do you make me look at injustice? Why do you tolerate wrong? Destruction and violence are before me; there is strife, and conflict abounds. Therefore the law is paralyzed, and justice never prevails. The wicked hem in the righteous, so that justice is perverted.

Habakkuk 1:2-4

I was so frustrated with the Lord. I screamed at him. Yes – 110-pound Rachel screamed profanities at her Creator in the middle of a third-world country. I couldn’t wrap my head around all the brokenness around me. How could God let this happen? Why? Why are 15-year-old girls selling their bodies on the street to pay for food for their families? Why are wives beaten by their husbands, and, worse yet, why does society tolerate it? Why are so many children dying of this horrible, horrible disease?

Why is Christian genocide happening in Iraq?

Why are thousands of women sold into sex slavery every day?

Why does God allow so many people to lose hope to the point they feel they need to take their own life?

Why do you make me look at injustice? Why do you tolerate wrong?

God is faithful. He answers.

  

“Neither this man nor his parents sinned,” said Jesus, “but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life.”

John 9:3

Look at the nations and watch – and be utterly amazed. For I am going to do something in your days that you would not believe, even if you were told.

Habakkuk 1:5

One reason we ever doubt God is that we can’t see the Whole Picture. At the risk of rattling off Christian clichés – God has a plan. Do you think Noah knew what was going on when God asked him to build a massive boat? Did Abraham know what God had in store when God asked Abraham to sacrifice his only son? Did the disciples understand when Jesus was tortured and crucified on the cross?

I can’t see the Whole Picture. I don’t know what God is up to. But he tells us that he will be glorified through all of it, and his work will be displayed. I am humbled by giving up on the questions, and giving them over to God.

Going a little farther, Jesus fell with his face to the ground and prayed, “My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will.”

Matthew 26:39

Not as I will, but as you will. Amen.

Constant in the Trials and the Change

At 5:30 PM Wednesday, my flight landed in Manhattan, Kansas. I had so many thoughts and emotions upon arrival. I missed my team and Swaziland, but it felt so relieving to be back on Kansas’ soil after two days of airports. I had a joyful reunion with roommates and friends, and I was so grateful for a safe journey home.

Re-entry is hard. Culture shock is definitely real, and jet lag is annoying. I was so overwhelmed by the hundreds of drink options at Sonic. My first trip to the grocery store was way more emotionally intense than the average American experiences. I miss my team. I still haven’t grown used to sleeping on a real bed all by myself in an apartment all to myself, nor the freedom to go wherever I want, whenever I want, without a buddy system.

Don’t get me wrong – I’m so thankful to be back. I’m grateful for high-speed Internet and running water and my car and clean laundry and easy contact with family.  And God is still teaching me and growing me every single day.

One of God’s lesson plans for me this summer was strength. I am not a strong person, emotionally or physically. I never have been. I wear my heart on my sleeve, and I tend to cry in stressful situations. However, the more I learned to rely on God and go to him with all my stress, heartache, and anger, the stronger and bolder he made me.

I’m not strong. God is strong, and the strength and boldness within me is not mine. It’s his.

I rejoice greatly in the Lord that at last you have renewed your concern for me. Indeed, you have been concerned, but you had no opportunity to show it. I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content, whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength.

Philippians 4:10-13

God is constant. He is the same God in the New Testament as in the Old Testament. He is the same God in Swaziland as in America, and he will not abandon me. As I continue to rely on him with all the culture shock and readjustment, he will continue to build me up and strengthen me.

He will teach me to be content in any and every situation, whether in Africa or America, in community or alone.

I can do everything through him who gives me strength.

Generation of World Changers

In the decades following Jesus' time on earth, Paul wrote the following words to the church in Corinth:

Though I am free and belong to no man, I make myself a slave to everyone, to win as many as possible... To those not having the law I became like one not having the law (though I am not free from God's law but am under Christ's law), so as to win those not having the law. To the weak I became weak, to win the weak. I have become things to all men so that by all possible means I might save some. I do all this for the sake of the gospel, that I may share in its blessings. 

1 Corinthians 9:19-23

This summer I am living in a 3-bedroom house with 21 18-22-year-olds (plus one 25-year-old), and it has been quite the adventure. Naturally, we share qualities with your typical college kids. We listen to everything from rap to country. We have crazy dance parties. We are addicted to technology and social media. We love pizza. We have celebrity (and real-life) crushes. And we love just hanging out and having a good time. 

Though we come from all over the United States and Canada with different backgrounds and stories, I have realized, through sharing testimonies each night, that we are all very similar.

We have all struggled with varying degrees of lust, depression, anxiety, suicide, self-harm, abuse, alcohol, drugs, pornography, perfectionism, brokenness, and loss. We have all felt inadequate and unworthy. 

We are all real. 

And we all know we have been made clean by our Savior, Jesus Christ. We worship with our whole hearts at the top of our lungs, singing praises to our Redeemer. We pray with earnest and thanksgiving. We throw everything we are into our ministries each day. We know God because he brought us out of our darkest moments, and we desire to share his love with each other and everyone we meet. 

We are young. We are far from perfect. We stumble and fall. We argue with one another and with God. Our journeys with The Lord are still only beginning. 

If Paul were writing letters today, he might say something like, "To the college students addicted to Facebook and cellphones, I became like one addicted to Facebook and cellphones, so as to win those addicted to Facebook and cellphones."

Or maybe, "To the unknowingly beautiful girl who throws up after every meal, I became like the unknowingly beautiful who throw up after every meal, so as to win her over."

"To the young man secretly watching graphic videos on the Internet, I became like one who watches graphic videos, so as to win him over."

"To the girl who has panic attacks and cuts her arms behind closed doors, I became like those who are lonely and depressed, so as to win them over."

"To the 18-22-year-olds who take everything for granted, I became like one who takes everything for granted (though I myself do not take everything for granted), so as to win those who take everything for granted. 

I have become all things to all men so that by all possible means I might save some. 

The difference between us and Paul is that we don't have to become these things - we are these things. 

We are real. We are relatable. We are remade. We are world changers. 

We lack the holier-than-thou God Complex, because our salvation is fresh and we are still licking our wounds. We still feel inadequate. We still stumble. 

But we have a Savior who charged us with a mission: to go and make disciples of all nations. 

That includes our campuses. That includes our families. That includes our roommates. That includes our generation consumed by laziness, apathy, and selfishness. 

Yes, I have screwed up. Big time. Multiple times. But God is using my story to impact the lives of others, so they might come to know him. 

How is God using your story?

Jesus Loves the Little Children

Something that has been prominent on my heart this week is Genesis 1:27 - "So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them."

In my previous mission trips to Africa, I was never much of a baby-holder. I always connected more with the older, teenage girls and shared life with them.

Almost every day this week, God placed a baby girl in my arms. My ministry team is working with AIM administration, going to all the different care points around Manzini and collecting information for the children's profiles. Each care point has a slightly different dynamic, atmosphere, and SES situation. Wednesday, we were at a care point with very excited, loving, financially poor kids. They all grabbed our hands and begged for our love and attention. All except one.

She couldn't have been more than two years old, and she didn't talk at all. She wore a dirty pink track suit with tons of holes in it. No shoes. She stood by herself and kept looking to the left...not at anything specific, just to the left. She didn't react or anything when I walked up to her, so I picked her up. She was a rag doll. She didn't move on her own at all. I just held on to her and sang to her. She didn't fuss or look at me or anything. She fell asleep in my arms, and a woman took her from me to lay her down inside. An hour later, she woke up, and it was the same story. Looking to the left, rag doll. She did eventually look at me, but it wasn't for very long. Her breathing was raspy, like she needed to cough, but couldn't.

As I held this poor, sick child (I never found out her name), I kept thinking back to Genesis.

This beautiful child was God's image.

I was literally holding a tiny personification of The Lord.

A daughter to the King.

Mind. Blown.

At our Thursday care point, the congregation of children blessed us by singing:

 Jesus loves the little children
All the children of the world
Red and yellow, black and white
They are precious in his sight
Jesus loves the little children of the world

  Hearing this simple song out of the Swazi children's mouths was absolutely beautiful. They reminded me that the same Maker who created them also created me, and we are all tiny personifications of our Father. We are all wonderfully and fearfully made in his image.

Mind. Blown.