Fresh Renewal

For those who might not be aware, Africans have a tendency to run habitually late to pretty much everything. Someone might agree to meet around 10:00, but not arrive until at least 10:30 or 11:00. A conference or even athletic event might change time and location at the last possible minute, further delaying the start of the event.

Coming from the fast-paced, tightly scheduled American society, this is obviously a challenge for the team and myself. For example, here’s one day that did not quite go as planned.

Original Schedule:

8:00 AM – Meet with Bronwyn to discuss testimonies and deliverance.

10:00 AM – Drive with the team to Swazi Candles for lunch

3:00 PM – Bible study at Mangwaneni

5:00 PM – Dinner, time with the team until bedtime

What Actually Happened:

7:55 AM – Find a note in the gate from Bronwyn that something has come up, and she won’t be able to meet until this evening. Go back inside and eat breakfast with the team.

9:30 AM – Walk to Hope House to pray with the patients, only to discover that everyone is in a staff meeting, so we are unable to visit anyone. Walk back home.

11:00 AM – Drive a new girl to the psychiatric hospital to schedule counseling sessions

1:30 PM – While waiting on the doctor, receive a frantic call from Mary-Kate that her 2:00 basketball game has changed locations and make arrangements to drive her to the game.

1:50 PM – Drive Mary-Kate to the game while Sarah waits with the girl at the hospital.

3:00 PM – Finally finish up at the hospital. Drive home and walk to Mangwaneni

3:30 PM – Arrive at Mangwaneni, find some women to talk to, lead Bible study

5:30 PM – Walk home, flustered and worn out

7:00 PM – Meet with Bronwyn

9:00 PM – Time with the team

This happened over a week ago, and I’m still baffled and exhausted by it. However, God is good, and every moment in ministry is an opportunity to learn.

As He often does, God takes me to Romans 12, verse 2:

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is – his good, pleasing, and perfect will.

The pattern of “this” world, of the world I grew up in, allows me to control my schedule and where and when I can be. If I want to go to a class at 2:00, then I write it in my planner and show up on time. If I want to have lunch with a friend at Subway at 11:30, I know exactly how much time it takes to navigate traffic from my apartment to the restaurant, and if I’m running even five minutes late, I can quickly text my friend to notify her of the delay.

However, it’s not until I’m asked (or practically forced) to relinquish that control that I realize how dangerous it actually is.

The more I try to control, the less I’m trusting God, and the more I’m risking disappointment (for when life doesn’t go as I plan), which opens a door for Satan to hinder my relationship with God.

Be transformed by the renewing of your mind….

What does that mean?!

Well, my friends, I present you with three definitions of renew:

1. resume (an activity) after an interruption: the parents renewed their campaign to save the school.

So what was interrupted, and what is the interruption? My relationship and trust in God was interrupted by my conformity to this world. This relationship and trust is resumed (or renewed) by repentance and surrender.

2. reestablish (a relationship): he had renewed an acquaintance with McCarthy

Renewing my mind means reestablishing my relationship with God, and fixing my eyes and heart on Him. This comes through prayer, study of the Bible, and worship.

  

3. give fresh strength to: she would face the future with renewed determination

Give fresh strength to my mind. Let all my thoughts and prayers be centered on God’s will, not my own. Let my schedule be his schedule, not mine.

Be transformed by the resuming of your mind, by resuming the trust in God you first gained at salvation.

Be transformed by reestablishing your mind, by reestablishing your relationship with your Father.

Be transformed by giving fresh strength to your mind, by centering all thoughts and prayers on the Lord.

How Could I Not?

Before hopping on the plane to Africa, people would express shock, disbelief, and awe that I am about to spend the next full year in Swaziland. Sometimes I would join them in that awe - it's a huge commitment, and an opportunity that most fresh college graduates don't take. However, most of the time the reactions confused me. It was the logical, obedient decision in my head. Why were others so surprised?

In the few weeks I've been in this beautiful country, the more it has set in that I will be here for the next year. And the more I am learning about what God teaches about sacrifice.

I am making so many worldly sacrifices to be here.

I am sacrificing time with my beloved family.

I am sacrificing constant, reliable Internet access.

I am sacrificing the start of my music-teaching career, for which I worked so hard to prepare.

I am sacrificing American Horror Story marathons with my best friends.

I am sacrificing Sonic, Starbucks, Dr. Pepper, and ranch.

I am sacrificing expectations, contentment, and comfort.

As I meditate and talk to God about all this, He brings me to one of my favorite passages from Romans 12:

Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God - this is your true and proper worship. Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is - his good, pleasing and perfect will. Romans 12:1-2

My whole life is a sacrifice to God. I lay all my worldly desires at His feet so I can follow Him. And this is my true and proper worship.

Last night, our team read the story of Abraham sacrificing his son Isaac. God ordered Abraham to offer his only son as a burnt offering, so Abraham led Isaac to a mountain in Moriah. He built an altar and tied his son to it and prepared for what he was about to do. Then God intervened. "Do not lay a hand on the boy," he said. "Do not do anything to him. Now I know that you fear God, because you have not withheld me from your son, your only son." Because Abraham was obedient, God provided a ram to burn in Isaac's place. 

God sees and hears my worldly desires as I lay them before Him. He will ask me to pick them back up when it is time.

At the risk of rambling too long, I am also reminded of a quote from missionary and author Katie Davis, founder of Amazima Ministries in Uganda. In a conversation with David Platt, Platt asked Davis if she believes what she does is radical. Her response is beautiful:

"No. I think it's just what is natural and what comes from Jesus, and an overflow of His love. I think what I do is abnormal. People say, 'Why do you do what you do?' or 'How do you do what you do?' But in light of what Christ has done for me, how could I not?"

How can I spend a whole year in a third-world country? In light of what Christ has done for me, how could I not?

Swazi Senses

My first week in Swaziland has been an overload of the senses, to say the least.

I absolutely adore the young women I interact with every day. They bring so much joy and light to my life, despite their hardships and challenges.

In my typical day, I hear a three-year-old constantly shouting, “Look me! Look me!” as she hops on one foot or performs a new dance move.

I hear the cries of a one-month-old boy as his 15-year-old mother runs to his side.

I smell the savory aroma of beans and rice for dinner.

I watch clapping games and impromptu jump rope competitions.

I feel the warmth of no less than six children lounging around me as I read them yet another story.

I watch as the older girls study hard for exams and playfully sass the younger girls.

I witness the hope and joy as their housemother leads her spiritual daughters in nightly worship and Bible study.

And amidst all this noise and chaos, I hear Abba whispering, “Be still, and know that I am God.” And I know he is here, and he’s working in each one of these broken, yet healing women.

And he’s working in me.

Swaziland FAQ's

If you know me personally at all or follow me on social media, you are likely aware that 1) I have a heart for missions and Africa, and 2) I am returning to Africa for one year in a few months.

With that announcement to my friends and family, several questions always arise. The purpose of this post is to address the most commonly asked questions.

Where am I going?

The city of Manzini in the country of Swaziland, located in southeastern Africa. I have been here twice before, most recently last summer for two months with 34 other college students from the United States and Canada. The average Swazi lives on less than two American dollars per day. It is the most HIV prevalent country in the world, with 26% of adults infected (as of 2012). The average life expectancy is 49 years. (Source: UNICEF) No, I will not get Ebola. No, there is no political unrest in this peaceful, yet broken country.

What will I be doing?

I will be living and working at a girls’ home run by the organization Hosea’s Heart. This home is a refuge for women rescued out of prostitution and domestic violence. I will be serving as a mentor and counselor to these women, as well as just helping out around the house. Responsibilities might include cooking, cleaning, helping with schoolwork, leading Bible studies, and leading worship.

How is this different from what I’ve done in the past?

For the past three summers, I have traveled with the organization Adventures in Missions (an organization I highly recommend to anyone interested in going on a mission trip). AIM’s primary ministry in Swaziland is centered around children, and raising a generation of Christ followers and leaders to help the nation rise from poverty and illness. While I enjoy working with children and serving that ministry, I felt God had another focus in mind for me, and I believe I have found that niche. I met Hosea’s Heart and visited the girls’ home while I was in Manzini last summer, and I fell in love with what they do. I am still very close with my friends working with AIM in Swaziland, and I’m excited to maintain and utilize those connections while working with this new ministry.

How long will I be gone?

I leave in June, and I will be gone for one year.

What will I do when I get back?

Seriously? I haven’t even left yet! However, this is still something that crosses my mind from time to time. I will likely return to Manhattan for at least a little while to reestablish myself in this community and culture. My options are open – I could find a job with a church, I could find a teaching job, or God might ask me to return to Swaziland (or another part of the world).

How am I using my degree?

This question hurts my heart more than people realize. My bachelor’s degree in music education is more than an expensive piece of paper to get me a job. Over the past four years, I have learned invaluable skills in time management and leadership. I have learned how to absorb knowledge and wisdom in so many different settings, and I’ve learned how to apply it to my life. I have learned how to have compassion for the world and people around me. I have learned how to have an open heart and mind in this diverse society. I can’t even attempt to put a price tag on the people I’ve met and the relationships I’ve built. In short, I use my degree every single day, because God has used this time in college to help shape me into the woman I have become. Even if I never teach music after I graduate in May, I do not regret spending the last four years of my life at this institution.

How is preparation going?

Fundraising is always the biggest stressor, but everything is going as smoothly as I could ask for right now. I am being even more intentional with my time with God every day, and I can feel him growing me and shaping me for this upcoming journey. It’s challenging balancing the spiritual preparation for this trip with the completion of my degree (I’m student teaching this semester, so there has been a lot on my plate every day). God is patient with me, and I’ve learned to be patient and have grace for myself. Preparation is going well.

How can I (you) help?

Prayer is always the biggest thing. Knowing I have relational support here at home is what helps me the most emotionally. Pray for the health and safety of our staff, for the preparation of our hearts for this journey, and for the girls affected by this ministry. If you're interested in receiving a monthly newsletter while I'm gone, fill out this form!

How can I (you) donate?

If you feel led to help financially, you can visit here to give via PayPal (just let me know if you donate online, so I can ensure the donation is placed in my account). I will need about $9,000 to make this trip possible, and I have currently raised around $2,500.

Am I ready?

Will I ever be ready? I am ready to totally surrender my life to God and what He has called me to do. I am ready to be broken for the sake of the Gospel. I am ready to learn what He will teach me in this next chapter of my life.

WEIGHT

Step One. Watch this five-minute video. It's worth every second.

Step Two. Bear with my musings.

I'm not going to write about eating disorders specifically, but I am going to write about the three ways this message applies to our lives.

1. The obvious - Love our bodies, because they house the Holy Spirit.

You, however, are not in the flesh but in the Spirit, if in fact the Spirit of God dwells in you. Anyone who does not have the Spirit of Christ does not belong to him. Romans 8:9

And Peter said to them, "Repent and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins, and you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit." Acts 2:38

We bear the weight of glory, and we are so heavy with it. Miss Timmer says it better in her video.

The living God makes His home in these bodies...
We have the most marvelous weight surging through our limbs. It's the weight of glory. The weight of Him.

God CHOSE to live in us. He chose to live in YOU. If you ask me, that's pretty rad. He loves you for it, and so should you.

2. Others also house this weight. So LOVE. ONE. ANOTHER.

A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. John 13:34

Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love. In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might love through him. In this love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. 1 John 4:7-10

Why waste time and energy judging others by outward appearances? Berating the shell when the pearl is inside. Miss Timmer was talking about loving your own body, but this applies to loving others' as well. The same God who lives inside you lives inside that tone deaf lady sitting next to you in church, and that green-haired cousin at reunions, and that driver of that minivan who just cut you off, and that... I could go on, but I assume you get the point.

3. What holds the weight of your obsessions?

What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ - the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. Philippians 3:8-9

It doesn't have to be physical pounds (though it certainly could be). It can be money, school, work, romantic relationships, hobbies, etc. Is all that really worthy of our primary attention and affection? Are a few pounds really worthy of our obsession? What's a dress size in light of His intentions? 

So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. 2 Corinthians 4:18

Believe it or not, all of that is temporary. God is at the center of all of it, or at least He needs to be. His presence is evident throughout ever facet of our lives. Everything should be heavy with the weight of His glory and grace.

And we are filled with that weight which, instead of making us weak and ugly, makes us strong and beautiful.

Problems and Providence

In 2012, Swaziland was reported having 210,000 people living with HIV, making it the most HIV-prevalent country in the world with 26.5% of adults infected.

As he went along, he saw a man blind from birth. His disciples asked him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?”

John 9:1-2

After befriending a beautiful 12-year-old girl suffering from HIV/AIDS, tuberculosis, and cardiomyopathy, it’s hard not to hurt. It’s hard not to get angry. Angry at parents, angry at generations of illness, angry at society, angry with God. Mostly angry with God.

How long, O Lord, must I call for help, but you do not listen? Or cry out to you, “Violence!” but you do not save? Why do you make me look at injustice? Why do you tolerate wrong? Destruction and violence are before me; there is strife, and conflict abounds. Therefore the law is paralyzed, and justice never prevails. The wicked hem in the righteous, so that justice is perverted.

Habakkuk 1:2-4

I was so frustrated with the Lord. I screamed at him. Yes – 110-pound Rachel screamed profanities at her Creator in the middle of a third-world country. I couldn’t wrap my head around all the brokenness around me. How could God let this happen? Why? Why are 15-year-old girls selling their bodies on the street to pay for food for their families? Why are wives beaten by their husbands, and, worse yet, why does society tolerate it? Why are so many children dying of this horrible, horrible disease?

Why is Christian genocide happening in Iraq?

Why are thousands of women sold into sex slavery every day?

Why does God allow so many people to lose hope to the point they feel they need to take their own life?

Why do you make me look at injustice? Why do you tolerate wrong?

God is faithful. He answers.

  

“Neither this man nor his parents sinned,” said Jesus, “but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life.”

John 9:3

Look at the nations and watch – and be utterly amazed. For I am going to do something in your days that you would not believe, even if you were told.

Habakkuk 1:5

One reason we ever doubt God is that we can’t see the Whole Picture. At the risk of rattling off Christian clichés – God has a plan. Do you think Noah knew what was going on when God asked him to build a massive boat? Did Abraham know what God had in store when God asked Abraham to sacrifice his only son? Did the disciples understand when Jesus was tortured and crucified on the cross?

I can’t see the Whole Picture. I don’t know what God is up to. But he tells us that he will be glorified through all of it, and his work will be displayed. I am humbled by giving up on the questions, and giving them over to God.

Going a little farther, Jesus fell with his face to the ground and prayed, “My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will.”

Matthew 26:39

Not as I will, but as you will. Amen.

Constant in the Trials and the Change

At 5:30 PM Wednesday, my flight landed in Manhattan, Kansas. I had so many thoughts and emotions upon arrival. I missed my team and Swaziland, but it felt so relieving to be back on Kansas’ soil after two days of airports. I had a joyful reunion with roommates and friends, and I was so grateful for a safe journey home.

Re-entry is hard. Culture shock is definitely real, and jet lag is annoying. I was so overwhelmed by the hundreds of drink options at Sonic. My first trip to the grocery store was way more emotionally intense than the average American experiences. I miss my team. I still haven’t grown used to sleeping on a real bed all by myself in an apartment all to myself, nor the freedom to go wherever I want, whenever I want, without a buddy system.

Don’t get me wrong – I’m so thankful to be back. I’m grateful for high-speed Internet and running water and my car and clean laundry and easy contact with family.  And God is still teaching me and growing me every single day.

One of God’s lesson plans for me this summer was strength. I am not a strong person, emotionally or physically. I never have been. I wear my heart on my sleeve, and I tend to cry in stressful situations. However, the more I learned to rely on God and go to him with all my stress, heartache, and anger, the stronger and bolder he made me.

I’m not strong. God is strong, and the strength and boldness within me is not mine. It’s his.

I rejoice greatly in the Lord that at last you have renewed your concern for me. Indeed, you have been concerned, but you had no opportunity to show it. I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content, whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength.

Philippians 4:10-13

God is constant. He is the same God in the New Testament as in the Old Testament. He is the same God in Swaziland as in America, and he will not abandon me. As I continue to rely on him with all the culture shock and readjustment, he will continue to build me up and strengthen me.

He will teach me to be content in any and every situation, whether in Africa or America, in community or alone.

I can do everything through him who gives me strength.