Problems and Providence

In 2012, Swaziland was reported having 210,000 people living with HIV, making it the most HIV-prevalent country in the world with 26.5% of adults infected.

As he went along, he saw a man blind from birth. His disciples asked him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?”

John 9:1-2

After befriending a beautiful 12-year-old girl suffering from HIV/AIDS, tuberculosis, and cardiomyopathy, it’s hard not to hurt. It’s hard not to get angry. Angry at parents, angry at generations of illness, angry at society, angry with God. Mostly angry with God.

How long, O Lord, must I call for help, but you do not listen? Or cry out to you, “Violence!” but you do not save? Why do you make me look at injustice? Why do you tolerate wrong? Destruction and violence are before me; there is strife, and conflict abounds. Therefore the law is paralyzed, and justice never prevails. The wicked hem in the righteous, so that justice is perverted.

Habakkuk 1:2-4

I was so frustrated with the Lord. I screamed at him. Yes – 110-pound Rachel screamed profanities at her Creator in the middle of a third-world country. I couldn’t wrap my head around all the brokenness around me. How could God let this happen? Why? Why are 15-year-old girls selling their bodies on the street to pay for food for their families? Why are wives beaten by their husbands, and, worse yet, why does society tolerate it? Why are so many children dying of this horrible, horrible disease?

Why is Christian genocide happening in Iraq?

Why are thousands of women sold into sex slavery every day?

Why does God allow so many people to lose hope to the point they feel they need to take their own life?

Why do you make me look at injustice? Why do you tolerate wrong?

God is faithful. He answers.

  

“Neither this man nor his parents sinned,” said Jesus, “but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life.”

John 9:3

Look at the nations and watch – and be utterly amazed. For I am going to do something in your days that you would not believe, even if you were told.

Habakkuk 1:5

One reason we ever doubt God is that we can’t see the Whole Picture. At the risk of rattling off Christian clichés – God has a plan. Do you think Noah knew what was going on when God asked him to build a massive boat? Did Abraham know what God had in store when God asked Abraham to sacrifice his only son? Did the disciples understand when Jesus was tortured and crucified on the cross?

I can’t see the Whole Picture. I don’t know what God is up to. But he tells us that he will be glorified through all of it, and his work will be displayed. I am humbled by giving up on the questions, and giving them over to God.

Going a little farther, Jesus fell with his face to the ground and prayed, “My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will.”

Matthew 26:39

Not as I will, but as you will. Amen.

Constant in the Trials and the Change

At 5:30 PM Wednesday, my flight landed in Manhattan, Kansas. I had so many thoughts and emotions upon arrival. I missed my team and Swaziland, but it felt so relieving to be back on Kansas’ soil after two days of airports. I had a joyful reunion with roommates and friends, and I was so grateful for a safe journey home.

Re-entry is hard. Culture shock is definitely real, and jet lag is annoying. I was so overwhelmed by the hundreds of drink options at Sonic. My first trip to the grocery store was way more emotionally intense than the average American experiences. I miss my team. I still haven’t grown used to sleeping on a real bed all by myself in an apartment all to myself, nor the freedom to go wherever I want, whenever I want, without a buddy system.

Don’t get me wrong – I’m so thankful to be back. I’m grateful for high-speed Internet and running water and my car and clean laundry and easy contact with family.  And God is still teaching me and growing me every single day.

One of God’s lesson plans for me this summer was strength. I am not a strong person, emotionally or physically. I never have been. I wear my heart on my sleeve, and I tend to cry in stressful situations. However, the more I learned to rely on God and go to him with all my stress, heartache, and anger, the stronger and bolder he made me.

I’m not strong. God is strong, and the strength and boldness within me is not mine. It’s his.

I rejoice greatly in the Lord that at last you have renewed your concern for me. Indeed, you have been concerned, but you had no opportunity to show it. I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content, whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength.

Philippians 4:10-13

God is constant. He is the same God in the New Testament as in the Old Testament. He is the same God in Swaziland as in America, and he will not abandon me. As I continue to rely on him with all the culture shock and readjustment, he will continue to build me up and strengthen me.

He will teach me to be content in any and every situation, whether in Africa or America, in community or alone.

I can do everything through him who gives me strength.