WEIGHT

Step One. Watch this five-minute video. It's worth every second.

Step Two. Bear with my musings.

I'm not going to write about eating disorders specifically, but I am going to write about the three ways this message applies to our lives.

1. The obvious - Love our bodies, because they house the Holy Spirit.

You, however, are not in the flesh but in the Spirit, if in fact the Spirit of God dwells in you. Anyone who does not have the Spirit of Christ does not belong to him. Romans 8:9

And Peter said to them, "Repent and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins, and you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit." Acts 2:38

We bear the weight of glory, and we are so heavy with it. Miss Timmer says it better in her video.

The living God makes His home in these bodies...
We have the most marvelous weight surging through our limbs. It's the weight of glory. The weight of Him.

God CHOSE to live in us. He chose to live in YOU. If you ask me, that's pretty rad. He loves you for it, and so should you.

2. Others also house this weight. So LOVE. ONE. ANOTHER.

A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. John 13:34

Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love. In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might love through him. In this love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. 1 John 4:7-10

Why waste time and energy judging others by outward appearances? Berating the shell when the pearl is inside. Miss Timmer was talking about loving your own body, but this applies to loving others' as well. The same God who lives inside you lives inside that tone deaf lady sitting next to you in church, and that green-haired cousin at reunions, and that driver of that minivan who just cut you off, and that... I could go on, but I assume you get the point.

3. What holds the weight of your obsessions?

What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ - the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. Philippians 3:8-9

It doesn't have to be physical pounds (though it certainly could be). It can be money, school, work, romantic relationships, hobbies, etc. Is all that really worthy of our primary attention and affection? Are a few pounds really worthy of our obsession? What's a dress size in light of His intentions? 

So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. 2 Corinthians 4:18

Believe it or not, all of that is temporary. God is at the center of all of it, or at least He needs to be. His presence is evident throughout ever facet of our lives. Everything should be heavy with the weight of His glory and grace.

And we are filled with that weight which, instead of making us weak and ugly, makes us strong and beautiful.

Problems and Providence

In 2012, Swaziland was reported having 210,000 people living with HIV, making it the most HIV-prevalent country in the world with 26.5% of adults infected.

As he went along, he saw a man blind from birth. His disciples asked him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?”

John 9:1-2

After befriending a beautiful 12-year-old girl suffering from HIV/AIDS, tuberculosis, and cardiomyopathy, it’s hard not to hurt. It’s hard not to get angry. Angry at parents, angry at generations of illness, angry at society, angry with God. Mostly angry with God.

How long, O Lord, must I call for help, but you do not listen? Or cry out to you, “Violence!” but you do not save? Why do you make me look at injustice? Why do you tolerate wrong? Destruction and violence are before me; there is strife, and conflict abounds. Therefore the law is paralyzed, and justice never prevails. The wicked hem in the righteous, so that justice is perverted.

Habakkuk 1:2-4

I was so frustrated with the Lord. I screamed at him. Yes – 110-pound Rachel screamed profanities at her Creator in the middle of a third-world country. I couldn’t wrap my head around all the brokenness around me. How could God let this happen? Why? Why are 15-year-old girls selling their bodies on the street to pay for food for their families? Why are wives beaten by their husbands, and, worse yet, why does society tolerate it? Why are so many children dying of this horrible, horrible disease?

Why is Christian genocide happening in Iraq?

Why are thousands of women sold into sex slavery every day?

Why does God allow so many people to lose hope to the point they feel they need to take their own life?

Why do you make me look at injustice? Why do you tolerate wrong?

God is faithful. He answers.

  

“Neither this man nor his parents sinned,” said Jesus, “but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life.”

John 9:3

Look at the nations and watch – and be utterly amazed. For I am going to do something in your days that you would not believe, even if you were told.

Habakkuk 1:5

One reason we ever doubt God is that we can’t see the Whole Picture. At the risk of rattling off Christian clichés – God has a plan. Do you think Noah knew what was going on when God asked him to build a massive boat? Did Abraham know what God had in store when God asked Abraham to sacrifice his only son? Did the disciples understand when Jesus was tortured and crucified on the cross?

I can’t see the Whole Picture. I don’t know what God is up to. But he tells us that he will be glorified through all of it, and his work will be displayed. I am humbled by giving up on the questions, and giving them over to God.

Going a little farther, Jesus fell with his face to the ground and prayed, “My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will.”

Matthew 26:39

Not as I will, but as you will. Amen.

Constant in the Trials and the Change

At 5:30 PM Wednesday, my flight landed in Manhattan, Kansas. I had so many thoughts and emotions upon arrival. I missed my team and Swaziland, but it felt so relieving to be back on Kansas’ soil after two days of airports. I had a joyful reunion with roommates and friends, and I was so grateful for a safe journey home.

Re-entry is hard. Culture shock is definitely real, and jet lag is annoying. I was so overwhelmed by the hundreds of drink options at Sonic. My first trip to the grocery store was way more emotionally intense than the average American experiences. I miss my team. I still haven’t grown used to sleeping on a real bed all by myself in an apartment all to myself, nor the freedom to go wherever I want, whenever I want, without a buddy system.

Don’t get me wrong – I’m so thankful to be back. I’m grateful for high-speed Internet and running water and my car and clean laundry and easy contact with family.  And God is still teaching me and growing me every single day.

One of God’s lesson plans for me this summer was strength. I am not a strong person, emotionally or physically. I never have been. I wear my heart on my sleeve, and I tend to cry in stressful situations. However, the more I learned to rely on God and go to him with all my stress, heartache, and anger, the stronger and bolder he made me.

I’m not strong. God is strong, and the strength and boldness within me is not mine. It’s his.

I rejoice greatly in the Lord that at last you have renewed your concern for me. Indeed, you have been concerned, but you had no opportunity to show it. I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content, whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength.

Philippians 4:10-13

God is constant. He is the same God in the New Testament as in the Old Testament. He is the same God in Swaziland as in America, and he will not abandon me. As I continue to rely on him with all the culture shock and readjustment, he will continue to build me up and strengthen me.

He will teach me to be content in any and every situation, whether in Africa or America, in community or alone.

I can do everything through him who gives me strength.

Generation of World Changers

In the decades following Jesus' time on earth, Paul wrote the following words to the church in Corinth:

Though I am free and belong to no man, I make myself a slave to everyone, to win as many as possible... To those not having the law I became like one not having the law (though I am not free from God's law but am under Christ's law), so as to win those not having the law. To the weak I became weak, to win the weak. I have become things to all men so that by all possible means I might save some. I do all this for the sake of the gospel, that I may share in its blessings. 

1 Corinthians 9:19-23

This summer I am living in a 3-bedroom house with 21 18-22-year-olds (plus one 25-year-old), and it has been quite the adventure. Naturally, we share qualities with your typical college kids. We listen to everything from rap to country. We have crazy dance parties. We are addicted to technology and social media. We love pizza. We have celebrity (and real-life) crushes. And we love just hanging out and having a good time. 

Though we come from all over the United States and Canada with different backgrounds and stories, I have realized, through sharing testimonies each night, that we are all very similar.

We have all struggled with varying degrees of lust, depression, anxiety, suicide, self-harm, abuse, alcohol, drugs, pornography, perfectionism, brokenness, and loss. We have all felt inadequate and unworthy. 

We are all real. 

And we all know we have been made clean by our Savior, Jesus Christ. We worship with our whole hearts at the top of our lungs, singing praises to our Redeemer. We pray with earnest and thanksgiving. We throw everything we are into our ministries each day. We know God because he brought us out of our darkest moments, and we desire to share his love with each other and everyone we meet. 

We are young. We are far from perfect. We stumble and fall. We argue with one another and with God. Our journeys with The Lord are still only beginning. 

If Paul were writing letters today, he might say something like, "To the college students addicted to Facebook and cellphones, I became like one addicted to Facebook and cellphones, so as to win those addicted to Facebook and cellphones."

Or maybe, "To the unknowingly beautiful girl who throws up after every meal, I became like the unknowingly beautiful who throw up after every meal, so as to win her over."

"To the young man secretly watching graphic videos on the Internet, I became like one who watches graphic videos, so as to win him over."

"To the girl who has panic attacks and cuts her arms behind closed doors, I became like those who are lonely and depressed, so as to win them over."

"To the 18-22-year-olds who take everything for granted, I became like one who takes everything for granted (though I myself do not take everything for granted), so as to win those who take everything for granted. 

I have become all things to all men so that by all possible means I might save some. 

The difference between us and Paul is that we don't have to become these things - we are these things. 

We are real. We are relatable. We are remade. We are world changers. 

We lack the holier-than-thou God Complex, because our salvation is fresh and we are still licking our wounds. We still feel inadequate. We still stumble. 

But we have a Savior who charged us with a mission: to go and make disciples of all nations. 

That includes our campuses. That includes our families. That includes our roommates. That includes our generation consumed by laziness, apathy, and selfishness. 

Yes, I have screwed up. Big time. Multiple times. But God is using my story to impact the lives of others, so they might come to know him. 

How is God using your story?

Jesus Loves the Little Children

Something that has been prominent on my heart this week is Genesis 1:27 - "So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them."

In my previous mission trips to Africa, I was never much of a baby-holder. I always connected more with the older, teenage girls and shared life with them.

Almost every day this week, God placed a baby girl in my arms. My ministry team is working with AIM administration, going to all the different care points around Manzini and collecting information for the children's profiles. Each care point has a slightly different dynamic, atmosphere, and SES situation. Wednesday, we were at a care point with very excited, loving, financially poor kids. They all grabbed our hands and begged for our love and attention. All except one.

She couldn't have been more than two years old, and she didn't talk at all. She wore a dirty pink track suit with tons of holes in it. No shoes. She stood by herself and kept looking to the left...not at anything specific, just to the left. She didn't react or anything when I walked up to her, so I picked her up. She was a rag doll. She didn't move on her own at all. I just held on to her and sang to her. She didn't fuss or look at me or anything. She fell asleep in my arms, and a woman took her from me to lay her down inside. An hour later, she woke up, and it was the same story. Looking to the left, rag doll. She did eventually look at me, but it wasn't for very long. Her breathing was raspy, like she needed to cough, but couldn't.

As I held this poor, sick child (I never found out her name), I kept thinking back to Genesis.

This beautiful child was God's image.

I was literally holding a tiny personification of The Lord.

A daughter to the King.

Mind. Blown.

At our Thursday care point, the congregation of children blessed us by singing:

 Jesus loves the little children
All the children of the world
Red and yellow, black and white
They are precious in his sight
Jesus loves the little children of the world

  Hearing this simple song out of the Swazi children's mouths was absolutely beautiful. They reminded me that the same Maker who created them also created me, and we are all tiny personifications of our Father. We are all wonderfully and fearfully made in his image.

Mind. Blown.

Swazi week 1!

Sawubona from Manzini!

My team of 34 college students from all over the US and Canada arrived safely in Swaziland on Monday afternoon. It has been a glorious couple of days, and I'm so blessed to be here. 

Our team has been split into two separate teams, and I am living in a 3-bedroom, 1-bathroom house with 22 other teammates. I share a bedroom with 10 girls. We have limited running water and no working toilet. Squatty potties and bucket showers authenticate my African summer. 

We have been acclimating ourselves to the beautiful Swazi culture, and tomorrow marks our first day of ministry. Locations haven't been assigned yet, but I will likely be working in the AIM office assisting the staff. I am so excited to see what God has for me here. 

Saturdays will be our day off each week, which will likely be when blog posts and emails happen. We don't have Internet at the homestead, so wifi access requires a trip to the mall or local Internet cafe. 

I love you all!

Some Thoughts on Valentine's Day

I'm going to preface this post by saying that I am almost 21 years old, I've had three boyfriends, and I've been single for four and a half years. I've never spent Valentine's Day with a boyfriend.

I've had a relationship that ended poorly and skewed my view of romance and how men should treat women.

I attend a campus ministry called Vintage Faith Students. It is a part of the church I also regularly attend, Vintage Faith. It is a loving community that I am so blessed to be a part of. We meet Thursday nights for student-led worship and ministry. Last night had a twist, however. We all dressed fancy, and the boys cooked dinner for the ladies. Nothing is better than mac-and-cheese and potatoes made by a group of college guys. After dinner, the boys performed some worship songs for us, some Mumford and Sons, and presented a video they made about how much they appreciate the women of our church. The evening also included dance lessons and epic poetry readings. It was definitely a night to remember and cherish.

It was so foreign, yet glorious to me to be treated and appreciated this way by a group of young men. Yeah, I have (probably  more than) my fair share of guy friends, but this was so much more than just being another one of the "bros." I am so thankful for all of the men in my life, and I know God brought them all to me for a reason.

However, on a more serious note, being surrounded by such genuine love made me think of women who don't know what that is. Women around the world who are sold into human trafficking. Women left by the husbands, fathers, brothers. Women who have experienced abuse. Women who don't know Jesus. Women who don't know their value. Women who don't know they are loved. I am praying for these women. Maybe you're one of them. I am praying for you.

This is the first Valentine's Day that I'm content. I appreciate every individual God has placed in my life, and I try to make sure they know that too. This isn't a day only for couples. This is a day for EVERYONE. Yes, even you. It is a day of love, not hate. After all...

We love, because He first loved us.
1 John 4:19

Happy Valentine's Day, friend.

I have not come to call the righteous....

Mark 2:15-17
While Jesus was having dinner at Levi's house, many tax collectors and sinners were eating with him and his disciples, for there were many who followed him. When the teachers of the law who were Pharisees saw him eating with the sinners and tax collectors, they asked his disciples: "Why does he eat with tax collectors and sinners?"
On hearing this, Jesus said to them, "It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners."

It has been nearly four months since my last post (whoops), and for the past week I've been seeing several blogs write about New Year beginnings and whatnot. I had tossed the idea around about writing a New Year post, and upon reading this passage in my devotion today, I decided it was time.

Jesus' words here affect me from two different angles.

1. I am called, even though I am a sinner.

I am far from perfect. I acknowledge that every day. In my almost 21 years on this earth, I have screwed up big time, multiple times. I still feel guilty about certain parts of my past, even though I know I am forgiven. I often don't feel worthy of God's love and forgiveness. His words here remind me that it's okay that I'm not perfect. He doesn't call the "perfect" people (as if they exist anyway). It's okay that I mess up, as long as I repent, because he is preparing me to relate to people who feel the same way I do - that they don't deserve God's love.

2. We all need God.

This is where my New Year thoughts began to kick in. Who is that person you would not take to church? We all have that one. At least one. Maybe they're an alcoholic family member or that outspoken nonbeliever at school/work or maybe they're just a crude friend. We'd be embarrassed to be seen with them at church. We don't want to initiate that conversation with them in the first place. We don't want to offend anyone. Deep down, we don't think they deserve God's grace. I know I'm guilty of these thoughts.

Truth is, I'm just as much of a sinner as the meth addict living in a cardboard box down the street. And he needs God just as much as I do. The question is - are we willing to give it to him? Are we willing to show him love and invite him into an environment where he can learn about grace?

That should be our challenge for 2014. Invite that one person to church. Or to small group. Or even into our home for a meal. You know who that person is. Invite them in.