Two years ago, on June 18, 2015, I moved to Manzini,
Swaziland. My initial commitment was for one year, but I knew in my heart that
I would be here longer. There was nothing I wanted more than to be in this
place and call it “home.”
In the eyes of my community in America, I was either a hero
or a madwoman for picking up everything shortly after college graduation and
living halfway across the globe, without even a salary to show for it.
“Wow, that must have
been so hard! What do you miss most about home? Do you have electricity? How do
you live without (insert random thing here)?! What you’re doing is so cool! Do
you speak their language? I wish I could go there and do that thing!”
“You’re doing what?!
And you’re not getting paid?! How are
you supporting yourself? How will you find a husband? That’s really not safe.
You’re going to get kidnapped/mugged/robbed/etc. What about savings? Retirement
fund? Kids?”
For me, moving here was easy. I was so, SO excited. I
counted the days until my plane left, a one-way ticket for adventure. Yeah, I
miss certain things about America. I miss my friends and family. Sometimes,
life feels lonely out here as an expat. And the transition here was full of
bumps and bruises. It took a while to build a community and to feel
comfortable. But overall, I know this is what I wanted, and, more importantly,
this is what God wanted.
But, what do you do when God says, “Go” after you’ve already
gone?
It’s a long story, but through an internet search, I found a
volunteer position at a ministry in Bangkok, Thailand that basically describes
exactly what I want to do here in Swaziland, except nobody does it here in
Swaziland. I wanted to go check out this Thai ministry for short-term, but the
minimum commitment is 18 months. And there’s so much I can learn in 18 months!
I can be with people who have been doing this for years and absorb as much as
possible from such a well-established ministry. I can grow even more in this
new culture and see the world in a new, fresh way.
But a lot can happen in 18 months. Several of our girls will
be out of the home and off to college at that point. We’ll have moved to a
brand new campus at a new location. We’ll have new homes, new girls, new staff,
and new missionaries. The church plant I’ve been involved in will grow. The
training center will look completely different.
I submitted my application. Lord, if it’s Your will, open this door wide. If it’s not, close it
shut.
Lord, prepare my heart
for the news. Prepare my heart for rejection, if the door closes. Prepare my
heart to go, if it opens.
One month later, I received an email. Rachel, NightLight would like to formally accept you to join our team
here in Bangkok as the Assistant Outreach Coordinator…
And I cried.
My prayers were for God’s will, but my flesh wanted the door
shut tight.
But I still said, yes.
Every day is a struggle. It’s a test of obedience. Here I
have community, friends, and purpose. I have favorite restaurants and hangout
spots. I have a regular grocery store and a routine. I don’t know anyone in
Bangkok. I don’t have a routine. I don’t even know what to expect for my future
there. I could cancel my ticket at any time. But that would be me shutting the
door right in God’s face. And I just can’t bring my heart to do that to Him.
I’m not just picking everything up to go on my next great
adventure, like some might think. Most days, I’m not even that excited about
it. I know it will be amazing, and I know I will learn so much. But I will miss
my girls. I will miss my friends. I will miss my church. I will miss this
country.
Saying, “yes” doesn’t
bring you to a destination. It continues your journey. Swaziland isn’t my final
destination – at least, not yet. It’s only a chapter in the story, just like
Bangkok will be.
Hey friends! I am still in need for funds for this move to
Thailand! Interested in helping out? Email me at racheldanell@gmail.com
