I am twenty-three years old. I have not had a boyfriend
since I was sixteen. Not that I haven’t wanted one; that’s just how it worked
out.
Being single all through college and moving to Africa on my
own a year ago has taught me so much about independence. I had a conversation
with another single friend a few months ago about the view of “strong,
independent women.” Is that attractive to the Godly men we want to date? We’re
not damsels in distress – we’ve had to learn how to do many things on our own
(including, but not limited to, basic home repairs, jumpstarting cars, and
changing tires). But people need to be needed, and they need to feel that
they’re needed, especially our husbands.
Even before I moved here, coworkers and acquaintances back
home would notice and comment on my “independence.” Sometimes it felt like a
compliment, sometimes it would sting a little. I desire a husband, but is that
evident in the way I act? In the way I speak? Are guys not attracted to this
type of personality?
But here’s the secret – I’m not independent. I am totally
dependent on God.
And that’s how I’m able to move halfway across the planet
without a man for companionship and physical protection. God’s not going to
change my flat tire for me, but He gives me the patience and wisdom to learn.
He grants me discernment for what is safe and where to avoid in town. He
surrounds me with friends and community to love me and support me, to show me
I’m never alone in this life.
My (in)dependence allows me to walk in the confidence that I
am loved, valued, strong, beautiful, and important, even without a boyfriend or
spouse.
It’s still not easy. I can’t be a father to our girls. I
couldn’t get my refrigerator out of its Styrofoam casing. I can barely carry
our hefty three-year-old. My Friday nights are usually spent with a book and
early bedtime. I get far more proposals and remarks on the street than a woman
walking around with her husband at her side.
I desire a husband. But my singleness does not define my
value or womanhood. Only the Father can.
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