Just for Me

I round the corner and see the massive mountain before me. Execution Rock towers high above my head, and I can’t believe I actually agreed to go on this hike. Garret, Tony, and three of the girls are far ahead of me, while the other three were left far behind. I was able to keep up with the guys for a while, but this out-of-shape flatland Kansan girl is still adjusting to the elevation of this region. The temptation to stay behind to “watch” the others was great, but I knew I would regret it if I did. So here I am now, this steep incline ahead of me, caught between those who ran ahead and those who gave up long ago.

I take a deep breath and start to climb. As I begin, a thought pops in my head.

Faith can move mountains.

Great, I think. So why can’t this mountain just level out a bit so I can climb it? Internally, I chuckle at myself (but only internally, because to do so externally would waste precious breath). And then I think, What is my mountain?

Swaziland is my mountain. Pursuing prostitutes. Mothering fourteen girls. Running a small craft business. These make my mountain.

As I continue to climb, I dare to turn and look down, just for a moment. I could very easily see the long, winding path from where I’d come. Places where the road was smooth, where hikers had paved before, and trails blazed completely by scratch by the few who went before me, as well as a few blazed completely by myself. And it is like looking at my own past; my own journey that brought me to this point.

Good, easy years. Rough, challenging times. Good company, and bad. Times when I knew exactly where I was going, and times when I had to trust the people in front of me. Times when I had to make my own path, whether they led to fruit or destruction.

I turn my focus back on the current climb. I force my aching muscles to pull my body up and up. I hear the others ahead of me, and I know I’m close.

I reach to the top of this ledge, and the others are still nowhere in sight. I follow the path around the edge of the mountain, and discover a view so breathtaking, I could just stop here. I take a moment to absorb it. But this still isn’t the summit, so I can only imagine what’s to come.

I find my five comrades perched on a rock overlooking the entire game park. It is certainly a sight to behold, and I take a moment to rest. Before I know it, Garret is pointing to a bigger, higher rock behind us, and we all run to find the best way up.

Garret, Tony, and Ayanda are already almost all the way to the top, and I just watch. Some people train for months, or even years, to climb mountains. They have the clothes, ropes, and whatever other fancy equipment you use to keep safe. But all I have is my own tired strength and these worn-out purple tennis shoes.

Some people train for years to run a business. Some people study at seminary to become a missionary in a foreign country. I have done none of the preparation, yet here I am, doing exactly those things.

Garret calls down from the rock, “You can see zebras from here!” and I am elated. ZEBRAS?! These are my favorite African animals…besides South African penguins, which would be more than shocking to find on top of this Swazi mountain.

Instead of scaling the giant stone, I climb over the smaller rocks surrounding it, finding ways around pointy trees and dodging a few lizards. And then, I see them.

A young zebra feeding from its mother, and about half a dozen more grazing just beyond those two. They’re so close – just about thirty yards away, if that. They’re so peaceful and beautiful.

I must get closer.

Mama Zebra keeps a close eye on me as I venture closer. About twenty feet from these gorgeous creatures, I can’t help but thinking…

God put these zebras here, just for me.

I might not have climbed to the very top of Execution Rock with the others, but God still had something there, just for me.

Whatever I do, I might not end up in the same place as everyone else, or have the same prize as everyone else, but God has something in store, just for me.

What were you?

Brothers and sisters, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong.
1 Corinthians 1:26-27

I was going through some old photos on my laptop last night, and I found some gems from pre- and early high school, such as a family vacation to Las Vegas and a trip to Chicago with my brother. I hadn’t opened these files in at least six years, and what I found was almost laughable.

Back when I wore boys’ clothes, cut my own bangs, and had terrible acne. It was a somewhat shocking sight. And it’s almost more shocking to think about who I was back then.

An angsty, adolescent female who dreamt of rock concerts and wanted nothing to do with church. Who was teased at school and could count her shady social circle on one hand. Who didn’t want to exist and regularly scripted suicide notes.

This was about two years before I read the words, “For all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God” (Romans 3:23) and studied Lewis’s Mere Christianity in Sunday school, which God used to help lead me back to Him. When I think of that girl, that lost sheep, it’s hard to believe she’s now living in Africa as a missionary to “defend the weak and the fatherless, uphold the cause of the poor and the oppressed,” and to “rescue the weak and the needy; deliver them from the hand of the wicked” (Psalm 82:3-4).

There’s no way that transformation could have happened by my own power, or solely by the power of therapists or medication (not that I don’t condone seeking professional counseling).

That transformation was done by the power of Christ. He is the reason I am sitting at a dining room table in my house in Swaziland, surrounded by thread and fabric and paper beads to teach struggling women how to support themselves out of prostitution.

There’s no way I can say, or even think, “Way to go, Rachel! You did it! You made something of yourself!”

All I can say is, “Wow, God. You repaired this weak, broken vessel, and now you are using it as a testament of your love and grace. I owe everything I am to you.”

It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God – that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. Therefore, as it is written: “Let the one who boasts boast in the Lord.”
1 Corinthians 1:30-31

Space for Grace

Something I’ve often heard is that if you pray to God for patience, He will provide you opportunities to learn it. This phrase has always been shared with me as a warning. I’ve even been told that it’s “dangerous” to pray for patience, because you never know what God will use to help you learn it.

I feel that God is teaching me a similar lesson with grace. Spending a majority of my time living with 14 adolescent females (regardless of culture and living conditions) is a huge challenge – and an opportunity to learn about grace.

First, I have to look at the grace given to me from God.

The law was brought in so that the trespass might increase. But where sin increased, grace increased all the more, so that just as sin reigned in death, so also grace might reign through righteousness to bring eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.Romans 5:20-21

We have the law so we can define, by humanly standards, what sin is, and then so we might become aware of our own sin. As C.S. Lewis writes, “… there would be no sense in saying that a footballer had committed a foul unless there was some agreement about the rules of football.” There would be no sense in saying that I had sinned and fallen short of the glory of God unless there was some agreement about the God’s laws.

We sin so that God has an opportunity to fill us with His grace. In a study on the book of James, Beth Moore states, “Every mistake, every sin has made a space for grace. Will it sit there hollow, or will you let God fill it up?” Now, being filled with God’s grace does NOT grant us permission to just keep on sinning. Again, Paul writes to the Romans:

Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body so that you obey its evil desires. Do not offer any part of yourself to sin as an instrument of wickedness, but rather offer yourselves to God as those who have been brought from death to life… For sin shall no longer be your master, because you are not under the law, but under grace.
Romans 6:11-14

We have sin so God can fill us with his grace. We have grace so we can be free from sin and offer ourselves to God as instruments of righteousness. How beautiful is that? God is so cool.

And then we’re called to share that grace with others.

Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?” Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy times seven times.”Matthew 18:21-22

Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms.
1 Peter 4:10

On Sunday, our pastor shared, “God gives grace to fulfill His purpose for us, in us, and through us.”

These girls will fall short. They will disappoint me. They will test my patience and understanding. They will baffle and annoy me. But every one of those moments is an opportunity to practice grace. It is an opportunity to show Christ’s love on a whole new level. It is not something I can do on my own, with my own selfish, worldly desires.

Father, grant me grace for my own sins, as well as opportunities to share Your grace with others.